Quotes to Quote

THE FOLLOWING WERE TAKEN FROM REAL RESUMES AND COVER LETTERS AND WERE
PRINTED IN THE JULY 21, 1997 ISSUE OF FORTUNE MAGAZINE.

1 "I have lurnt Word Perfect 6.0 computor and spreasheet progroms."
2. "Am a perfectionist and rarely if if ever forget details."
3. "Received a plague for Salesperson of the Year."
4. "Wholly responsible for two (2) failed financial institutions."
5. "Reason for leaving last job: maturity leave."
6. "Failed bar exam with relatively high grades."
7. "It's best for employers that I not work with people."
8. "Let's meet , so you can 'ooh' and 'aah' over my experience."
9. "I was working for my mom until she decided to move."
10. "Marital status: single. Unmarried. Unengaged. Uninvolved. No commitments."
11. "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
12. "I am loyal to my employer at all costs....Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voice mail."
13. "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
14. "I procrastinate, especially when the task is unpleasant."
15. "Personal interests: donating blood. Fourteen gallons so far."
16. "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
17. "Note: Please don't misconstrue my 14 jobs as 'job-hopping'. I have never quit a job."
18. "Marital status: often. Children: various."
19. "The company made me a scapegoat, just like my three previous
employers."
20. "Finished eighth in my class of ten."
21. "References: none. I've left a path of destruction behind me."

THESE QUOTES WERE TAKEN FROM ACTUAL PERFORMANCE EVALUATIONS.

1 "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and
has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This associate is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a
definitely won't be."
4. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."
5. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a
rat in a trap."
6. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that this is only to change
whichever foot was previously in there."
7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to
achieve them."
8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."
9. "This employee should go far-and the sooner he starts, the
better."


THESE ARE ACTUAL LINES FROM MILITARY PERFORMANCE APPRAISALS

1. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
2. A room temperature IQ.
3. Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all
together.
4. A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus.
5. A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on.
6. Bright as Alaska in December.
7. Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't
coming.
8. He's so dense, light bends around him.
9. If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week.
10. It's hard to believe that he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm.
11. Takes him 1 1/2 hours to watch 60 minutes.
12. Wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead.

*Veracity not confirmed by us.
0 Comments.
Start the discussion!
Post a Comment
Comment using Facebook
Explore Related Topics
What others like...
Wallpaper :: Krishna in Vrindavan 1
Wallpaper :: Krishna in Vrindavan 1
Wallpaper: 1280 X 800 px
Wallpaper :: Geet (Drashti Dhami)
Wallpaper :: Geet (Drashti Dhami)
Wallpaper: 1280 X 800 px The beautiful Geet(Drashti Dhami) from 'Geet Hui Sabse Parayee'.
The Eleventh Guru : Japuji Sahib : MG00047
The Eleventh Guru : Japuji Sahib : MG00047
Visit The Eleventh Guru for more! Join our Facebook Page - Sikh Virsa for regular updates http://www.facebook.com/TheEleventhGuru .
Wallpaper :: ICC Cricket World Cup 2011 India
Wallpaper :: ICC Cricket World Cup 2011 India
Hope you enjoy the world cup guys! Wallpaper: 1280 X 800 px
Wallpaper :: Sunny Leone (Karen Malhotra)
Wallpaper :: Sunny Leone (Karen Malhotra)
Wallpaper: 1280 X 800 px The very beautiful adult actress Sunny Leone.
The Eleventh Guru : Japuji Sahib : MG00022
The Eleventh Guru : Japuji Sahib : MG00022
Join our Facebook Page - Sikh Virsa for regular updates http://www.facebook.com/TheEleventhGuru .
Wallpaper :: Merry Christmas
Wallpaper :: Merry Christmas
Wallpaper: 1280 X 800 px Merry Christmas Folks! Have a blessed festive season :)
When Adolf Hitler made perfect sense
When Adolf Hitler made perfect sense
For someone who wanted to become a painter as a 12 year old, he could have barely become something more contrasting than what he did. But then he did p…
The Eleventh Guru : Japuji Sahib : MG00045
The Eleventh Guru : Japuji Sahib : MG00045
Visit The Eleventh Guru for more! Join our Facebook Page - Sikh Virsa for regular updates http://www.facebook.com/TheEleventhGuru .

Are you looking for Real Happiness?

With a focus on positive psychology and passion for spreading happiness in the world, The Real Happiness Center is helping people find out what happiness means to them and how they can achieve it.

Message Us

Are you a Mental Health Leader?

If you are a psychologist, psychiatrist, counselor, therapist, educator or a mental health institution administrator we can help you improve your client satisfaction and generate higher revenues.

Contact Us